Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
