you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
