I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He shit in the fireplace
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
