it hurts more in the daytime
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize