I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
