is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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