OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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