Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
