..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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