I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
