Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
