I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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