okay pat passed out under dana's car
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
