Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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