Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
