Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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