I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
