I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
