I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
