So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
sex in a hospital.. check
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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