Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
