i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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