I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
