oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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