So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
