Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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