Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
