What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
