If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
