I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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