Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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