Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
