ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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