Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize