I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
