look no pants
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
