how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
