I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
