You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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