see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
