My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
