I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
