Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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