wrigley field is MILF paradise
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
