I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
