Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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