margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
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