ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
