i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
