man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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