Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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