You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
