guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I will pee on everything he values.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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