the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize