rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
