She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize