wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
