my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
