Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
