YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
