your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
