I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
