why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
