Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
