I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
This is not my ceiling
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
